"I thought I was the only one. I thought it was normal. I thought it was my fault.

The three statements that come into my mind if you ask me about my life with my husband, a violent alcoholic.

I couldn’t tell anyone - how would they begin to understand ? They would judge him, it would cause such a family rift - how could they expect me to go to family functions without him ? If I told them they would all say something to him- my god that would make it ten times worse! If he knew I’d told them I would get a beating.

And if I went without him, left him behind - he would drink all day while I was out - he would drink in anger- so I was sure to get a beating with that action too when I got home. And the children would see and hear.
I couldn’t say a word to anyone. Keep it to myself, keep it within our house. Like our secret. No one would know, no one could understand.

No one else could possibly understand.

Was easier not to go out anyway - safer. For me , and for the children. He would be happy if we stayed home, he would come and go whenever he wanted. I would keep the children happy, they didn’t have to know. We were what he wanted. Weren’t we ? And he didn’t mean to be violent, it was the alcohol that made him do it. If he stopped drinking, he wouldn’t do it. But he didn’t stop drinking. And my life wasn’t normal. And it wasn’t my fault.

Speaking to people like SAVED has made me realise that now. There are hundreds of women going through the same as me on a daily basis. Thinking that they’re alone. You are not! Speaking in a SAVED group is helping me realise more and more that I’m not alone - and that by sharing our experiences we can all help each other.
It’s not our fault.

We deserve to be happy, and my scars are healing now with time- but more importantly by being given the time to talk about it all- to people who have all been through similar if not exactly the same experiences.

Thank you Maddy, thank you for being there SAVED."

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